Freedom, Happiness and Love

   One thing people from the Metro need to know is that when you are in the province, the peace and quiet will make you insane. Now, my mind is filled all sorts of bullshit and I can't focus on anything. There are so many stuff going through my head and if I could take my brain out without dying, I would have done it a million times. I feel depression coming. O.o

   I thirst for freedom; free to be adventurous, free to do anything, free to live. 

   I have so many dreams. One dream would be taking charge of my own life; however, such a dream, which other people find as simple as cake, is impossible on my part of the universe. Something or someone will always prevent me to go forth and chase whatever I wish. I'm tired of this. I'm tired of giving up what I want so someone else can be happy. When will it be my turn? When can I do what I want without anything in expense?

Why is it so difficult to be happy and stay like that?

   To be HAPPY is a CHOICE. I believe this, but Lord Jesus Christ why is happiness insanely hard to keep? Moments will come where life seems to be perfect and then it will go crashing down right in front on you as fast as it began. Fuck the "Life is unfair, we can do nothing about it" shit. EVERYONE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY! Why do we need to go through hell and back before we get it? So we can appreciate it more? For it to have more meaning? More sense? 

Fine, but why won't it stay there? Even only a little bit longer... Please?

   

I say a lot of I LOVE YOU's. I wonder how many of them I genuinely mean. Definitely not all.

   The term "dysfunctional" is not unknown. Its quite associated to love, I think. Many individuals experience and witness it with their friends, families and loved ones. If you never had, then you must be the luckiest and most unfortunate being on Earth. You're lucky because you didn't have to feel the pain, suffering and hardship that it may cause. It is also unfortunate because you will possibly never understand that pain, suffering and hardship. 

    I know "dysfunctional" a bit too well. I've seen it over and over again. Its everywhere; family, friends etc. It has been with me my entire life and I cannot escape from its shackles. It made me stronger and I am thankful. It made me weak and smaller than I already am too. 

   We are able to live and breathe and maybe that is why so much shit exist. There is a price to pay, and living completely happy and contented is unacceptable.